now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize