is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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