i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
