The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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