well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
