Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
