What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
