it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
