if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
