if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
