Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
