i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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