ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude i'm inner monologue high
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
