tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
