I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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