I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
