his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize