ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
