I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
