Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize