this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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