Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
