she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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