He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
