just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
