508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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