best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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