Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
