How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
