it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
