I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize