at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize