i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
