I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
