I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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