He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
People in love make me want to vomit
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
