You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
