I have demons in me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
