literally had 100 drinks last night.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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