i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
