I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
