if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
