I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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