i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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