i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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