why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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