It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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