can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I love you. Go after that dick
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