I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
