You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
