i just had sex bonerless
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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