I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
