I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize