When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
