So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
