She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
