In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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