My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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